Loop
by acegreatprank
Summary: Throughout her life and afterlife , Hisako has lost three lead singers. How could she face the end of Heaven with a smile on her face? rated T for mentions of suicide
1. Chapter 1 Masami

The guitar fell. Oddly silent, it lay on the wooden floorboards of the stage, lacquered finish reflecting the spotlights.

_Where's Iwasawa?_

The crowd was silent. The final chord from the acoustic guitar still rang throughout the gym. And as Hisako blinked, _once, twice_, she could swear that Iwasawa's voice still hung in the air. _Three times_, but still

_Where's Iwasawa?_

Nails digging into her clammy palms, Hisako shut her open mouth with an audible _click_. The NPC students were starting to move away from the stage, the buzz of their speech swelling from soft murmurs to excited chattering. But Hisako couldn't hear what they were saying. Were they surprised that Iwasawa had sung a slow ballad, so different from their usual rock? Were they still angry that the teachers had tried to stop the concert? Were any of them even _curious_ about what just happened? Were NPC's even programmed to see it?

_Where's Masami?_

Short, shallow breaths were the only sound filling the control room now. Lights on the switchboards and panels still blinked, but Hisako paid them no mind. She stared through the glass window for another second, before bolting for the door. The stairs were taken two at a time, brown hair flying as Hisako stumbled onto the stage, eyes wild and searching for her band mates.

_Where is she?_

Grey eyes swept her band mates' faces. Miyuki was fidgeting with her drum sticks, unshed tears glittering in her eyes as she stared at the floor. Shiori just stood there hugging her bass guitar tightly and Hisako could see her shaking ever so slightly. As their eyes met, she saw the same question flaring in each of them.

_What happened?_

The NPCs had left, teachers and students alike. Only Girls Dead Monster occupied the stage now, harsh spotlights throwing their shocked faces into view as their shadows stretched back into the curtains. And still the acoustic guitar lay on the floor. As Hisako bent down and picked it up, tears alighted upon the guitar and quiet sniffles filled the air. The bassist and drummer held each other close, softly sobbing into each other's shoulders, both trying to find solace in her best friend's embrace. But Hisako could only sit on the cold floorboards and hold the guitar to her chest, clutching the only clue to her best friend's disappearance.

_Why did you leave me?_


	2. Chapter 2 Sad Machine

**Ch. 2 – Sad Machine**

_So, she's gone too._

Hisako plucked dissonantly on her guitar, a random jumble of notes and chords sounding out as her fingers idly moved across the strings. The Fender Jazzmaster wasn't plugged into an amp, making the notes sound thin and lonely. But Hisako couldn't bring herself to get off the stool, to leave her spot in the music room. Because this was her place, where she could sit in the warmth of the afternoon sun and stare out the window overlooking the sports field. If she tried hard enough, she could even see the cafeteria and gymnasium. Everywhere that she'd performed with Iwasawa.

_You've left me as well._

Iwasawa's electric guitar stood in its stand near the wall opposite her. She'd seen it as soon as she walked into the band room, and her eyes kept straying back to it. Grey eyes locked on the ownerless instrument, Hisako had plopped herself onto the stool and unzipped her guitar bag. That was 2 hours ago and she'd sat there the whole time, picking out riffs of all the Girls Dead Monster songs at random. Seguing out of her solo riff part in Crow Song, Hisako suddenly found her fingers playing a long forgotten melody. Her youthful features morphed from disconsolate numbness to troubled discomfort, lines wrinkling her forehead as her eyebrows dipped lower.

_Yes, just like you. _

Flashes of her past life whirled through Hisako's mind, forcing her to close her eyes, face scrunching up as she tried to hold on to the fleeting memories. Her fingers kept moving, the arrangement of chords continuing to sound from her guitar even as her frown got deeper and deeper. With a huff that blew her fringe up, grey eyes snapped open as Hisako jumped off the stool. Marching over to the amps in the corner, she plugged her guitar in and looped the strap over a shoulder. Eyes closed in concentration, she picked up right where she left off. Right in the middle of Sad Machine's first hit.

_I broke when you left._

The fingers of her left hand continued to fly across the fretboard with practiced ease, never once stumbling or faltering. Why would she stop? This was the song that first made them famous, the song that propelled them from underground gigs to that professional record deal. She'd played it countless times, on the street, in dingy clubs and in sold-out stadiums. It was the first song that Hisako played when she came to the Afterlife. After hearing Iwasawa play, she hadn't been able to help herself. She'd burst into the music room and grabbed a guitar, and this was the song that reverberated from the amplifier as she found her love of playing once more. But as Hisako played, she remembered that this was also the song that once broke her, left her unable to touch her beloved guitar without breaking down in tears. This was the song that was playing when the lead singer of Sad Machine killed herself.

_You tried to disappear from my life._

Images played behind Hisako's closed eyelids, short clips that looped continuously as she kept strumming, the song now acting as background music for her past life. She saw her band fist pumping at the end of a successful concert, clinking glasses above a signed contract, cheering on their main vocalist as she stood in front of a karaoke machine. The memories continued to flow, of the whole band together, of Hisako with individual members, of Hisako practicing with them. Most repetitive of all were the flashes of Hisako with Misa. Misa with her long black hair, hugging Hisako and chatting animatedly about forming a band together; Misa with pink highlights running through her ebony locks, showing off her new electric guitar to Hisako; Misa with half her head dyed bright fuchsia, sweat shining on her brow as she sang her heart out on stage.

_You were beautiful._

The song was still blasting from the amp as Hisako buried herself in memories. She wasn't sure if the memories were just flashing by insanely quickly in her head, to the extent that time in the real Afterlife seemed to pass by at a snail's pace or if she was just looping the song endlessly as she remembered. It didn't matter. She always came back to the last two memories. In the penultimate one, Hisako was staring at a picture of Misa as black clad figures filled a large room. Her band's lead singer was sporting a huge smile in the picture, the same brilliant grin that Hisako had fallen in love with again and again. But smoke from the surrounding incense sticks wreathed around the photograph, obscuring it even as tears blurred Hisako's vision. Try as she might, Hisako could never stop the final memory from replaying itself. Even the funeral scene was preferable to it. For the memory of walking into Misa's bedroom on that day would never leave her. The empty bottle of pills that lay on the bedside table, the coldness of Misa's hands, the sad smile on her best friend's face, the way she looked like she was sleeping, the moment Hisako realised that Misa would never wake up. And through it all, that same song kept playing, looping from the CD player in Misa's room.

_I didn't pick up a guitar for the rest of my life._

She couldn't. Every touch of her beloved instrument brought back memories of Misa. Sad Machine disbanded, the members unable to pick up the broken pieces to keep going. Hisako was left without a band, a passion, or a best friend. She never understood what drove Misa to commit suicide. Was it the pressure of being famous? Were there troubles at school? At home? Misa had never mentioned anything. She'd kept smiling, laughing and joking with the world. Then, one day she left. Hisako never understood why Misa did it, but she knew exactly why she ended up in the Afterlife. The last few months of her short life were spent railing against the world, against God. Why did life give her everything to live for, only for it to disappear overnight with the death of her best friend? It wasn't right. It wasn't fair! No explanation was given to her at all! Nothing mattered anymore, and Hisako went through life like a zombie. Eventually, she gave up on everything. One night in a grief filled stupor, Hisako had ended it all. Her last thought before succumbing to the darkness had been to find Misa and ask her why.

_But you weren't here._


	3. Chapter 3 Resurgence

**Ch. 3 **

Hisako slowly opened her eyes, and blinked as she stared at the setting sun casting its rays into the music room. Tears were running silently down her face and the collar of her uniform felt damp against her cool skin. The room was quiet now, the last strum of her guitar having faded away a while ago. Shifting her guitar to settle it securely on her back, she carried the amplifier over to her stool. Playing whilst standing always made her feel more powerful and sure of herself, but Hisako just couldn't help the tired sigh that left her lips as she settled down on the stool. Bowing her head, she stared at the brown strands of her fringe that hung before her eyes, staring straight ahead as the intro of Thousand Enemies sounded from the guitar. She never needed to look at the fretboard that her fingers danced upon, the song simply a way for her to calm down, a repetitive motion that helped keep her sane.

Music had always helped her escape. Hisako could compose songs, the act of creating a melody with nothing more than idle inspiration was something that the teenager found came naturally. But there was something she excelled at. Hisako could play any song after hearing it once, and once she learned to read sheet music her guitar playing really took off. Not only that, but she could embellish the melodies with her own touches and make them sound better. Songs sounded sadder, happier, angrier, cooler, truer when she played them. She couldn't write lyrics, but her melodies spoke for themselves, spinning tales and showcasing emotions. As the lead guitarist of Sad Machine, she'd always taken pride in that ability. But the shock of losing Misa stripped her of that pride to replace it with a debilitating pain that cramped her hands and made her knees shake whenever she touched her guitar. Without being able to find something to live for, Hisako had passed away, a lonely, broken soul.

Until the day she heard Iwasawa Masami playing an acoustic guitar. Something cracked in her that day, splitting the wall that had kept her away from her passion. Months spent in the Afterlife searching for Misa had left her bitter and cynical, but listening to Iwasawa sing made her remember the simple joy that could be found in music. She'd raced towards the strains of guitar filtering from the music room, running past NPC students with their eyes wide with shock, yearning to hear more of that glorious sound. The sound of Iwasawa singing resonated with the sheer exhilaration of having a voice again, of being able to express herself once more, and Hisako felt the need to grasp that sensation fuelling her mad dash towards the band room. But when she got there, only Tenshi stood there with a puzzled look on her usually serene face.

"The singer, the guitarist, where..?" Hisako could only pant her questions out at Tenshi, desperate to find the source of the music before it left her once more.

"She left. I told her she was here because she had died and that she should attend class. You should be going to class as well." The white-haired student council president calmly told Hisako before leaving the music room herself.

But I didn't pass anyone in the corridor just now. Have I missed her? No…

Hisako had raced frantically around the school block trying to find a trace of Iwasawa then, only to suddenly spot a flash of dark pink hair and a black guitar case one floor below. Even if she was dead, Hisako was unwilling to find out if she could get hurt jumping from the second floor and contented herself with a smile, knowing that she would find Iwasawa soon and hear her sing again. Unable to resist the energy buzzing through her veins, she found herself back in the music room. The moment she picked up the electric guitar, Hisako realised that the block was gone. She could play again. Somehow, listening to Iwasawa singing had pushed her towards her passion once more and it let itself out in a series of power chords that reverberated throughout the room. Luckily the band room was in a block of the school reserved for extracurricular activities, otherwise students and teachers would have come running to find the source of Sad Machine's entire repertoire as Hisako expressed her relief and joy at being able to play the guitar once more. Legs planted firmly apart, head held high, Hisako played for hours as the dam broke and her talent and passion poured out. Throughout it all, she remembered her past life and with it forged a serious determination to fight against the world that robbed her of happiness.

Three days later, she'd helped Iwasawa escape some teachers who were trying to confiscate her acoustic guitar. She'd brought her to the band room, introduced Iwasawa to the touch of an electric guitar. Hisako was the one who got to see Iwasawa's face light up as she strummed the guitar for the first time, revelling in the feeling of freedom it gave her. For the next few days, she was witness to Iwasawa's talent at pouring herself into her music. Sure, Hisako was the one who composed and arranged the song, and she was happy with it, but Iwasawa's lyrics and singing truly brought it to a different level. Just as she was revelling in the pleasure of listening to Iwasawa sing the completed Crow Song, she was brought crashing back down as Iwasawa's eyes unfocused and she fell to the ground.

_I thought I'd lost someone again._

Fear seized Hisako completely in that moment. Wide-eyed, she stared at Iwasawa's unconscious face before crouching down and shaking her. But Iwasawa was unresponsive no matter how hard Hisako shook her, and cold terror started to flood Hisako's veins. Tears streamed down her face as she screamed for Iwasawa to wake up, pleaded with her not to die. As her eyesight blurred she saw Misa's lifeless face instead of Iwasawa's before her, and her cries grew even more desperate.

"I don't want anyone else to die!"

"She's not dead." The heartbreaking admission was blown to kingdom come with that matter-of-fact statement from Tenshi. Coupled with the loud growl that emanated from Iwasawa's stomach, Hisako was subjected to the most anti-climactic moment of her life (or Afterlife, as it was). As she berated Iwasawa for not taking better care of her health, Hisako came to the realisation that she needed Iwasawa Masami. The fuchsia haired teenager had given Hisako her passion back, had given her a means of fighting against the unjust world they were in and Hisako was determined to stick together with her, to be the one closest to her when she sang and rebelled against the Afterlife. It would however take another day and an amazing outdoor guerrilla concert before Hisako could convince the independent Iwasawa that playing music with others could be wonderful and that she need not always be alone.

* * *

**A/N:  
**A bit strange that I only start writing Author's Notes in Chapter 3, but I honestly never thought I'd even get this far. I started this story intending for it to be a quick one-shot about Hisako's feelings after Iwasawa disappeared up till when she left the Afterlife together with the other members of GirlsDeMo. The tale grew in the telling however, and this chapter somehow morphed into a quick retelling of Hisako and Iwasawa's meeting (from Hisako's POV) from chapters 11-13 of the manga Angel Beats!: Heaven's Door.

Of course, all reviews and criticisms are welcome. Let me know if you liked the style I used in Chapter 2, with active paragraphs interspersed with Hisako's thoughts, or if the more conventional style of storytelling in this chapter is easier to follow.


	4. Chapter 4 Crow Song

**Ch. 4 Crow Song**

If there was one thing the Afterlife had going for it, it would be the weather. Hisako had never really known what 'sky blue' meant until she'd arrived here. She'd awoken on a bench nearby the sports field and the first thing that greeted her was the sight of a cloudless sky. Even before Tenshi showed up to tell her that she was in a place after death and that classes awaited, a quiet voice at the back of Hisako's mind had already concluded that the school was a strange place. As she pushed the trolley of amplifiers towards the main entrance of the school building, she paused for a breather and took a quick glance at the sky. Another glorious day with fluffy white clouds drifting across a clear blue sky. Such a different view compared to the constant haze she'd experienced having never left the big city she had grown up in. It was certainly pretty, but all Hisako could think of at the moment was how hot it was and how her shirt collar was sticking to the back of her neck from all her sweating. Beautiful days could have their drawbacks after all.

_At least it's a nice setting for our concert._

It took another half hour for Hisako to set up everything. Thankfully she hadn't lost any of her proficiency with A/V equipment that she'd gained from all those stage gigs in her past life. Of course, it helped that all the NPCs were busy in class and nobody was around to stop her from grabbing all the extension cords from the band and broadcasting rooms. She'd just settled her guitar around a shoulder and was preparing to warm-up a little when Iwasawa showed up. The nervous anticipation that had been coiling in the pit of her stomach grew steadily even as she brushed off Iwasawa's concerns regarding the impromptu performance.

"Don't worry about the pacing, tuning or matching up with me. I'll just synch up with you, I'm good at that. Forget about all the hard stuff. There's nothing to be afraid off! Who cares if we screw up? Let's make the most of this amazing weather and just have fun!" With a broad grin that defied her nervousness, Hisako simply handed Iwasawa a guitar and went to stand in place.

Iwasawa walked hesitantly towards the microphone, taking every step like a prisoner being led to the gallows. There was a light sheen of sweat on her brow, but Hisako couldn't tell whether it was due to nerves or if it was simply from the heat of the day. Still, what mattered most was that she hadn't refused Hisako's plan to perform, hadn't rejected her offer to form a band outright. Iwasawa was standing on their make-shift stage, taking deep breaths to calm herself, looking incredulous as hell, but she was there, ready to play with Hisako. She would never tell her, but Hisako had been terrified of Iwasawa being unwilling to give her a shot at being together, as comrades, as band mates, as friends.

_I need to be near you. I need to hear you sing. _

Dark grey eyes twinkled with glee when Iwasawa began to play. Quickly matching up to the tempo that she had set, Hisako felt all her earlier nervousness disappear and let the joy of performing again flood her body. The adrenalin pumped and coursed through her veins, her heartbeat quickening as their performance grew in strength with each passing second. The first bars were shaky with Iwasawa's voice trembling slightly and a little off-key, but to Hisako's relief she didn't falter or pause and together they powered on through the song. Where her eyes had previously been shut to hide her embarrassment, now they shone brightly as Iwasawa's singing grew stronger. Hisako could not stop the smile spreading across her face as she took in the sight before her, of sparkling magenta orbs, fuchsia locks flying as Iwasawa held her head high and sang.

That's when she saw it, the exquisitely beautiful look on Iwasawa's face as she realised how fun it could be to perform. No longer held back by insecurity, the previously isolated and browbeaten teenager had finally found the freedom to just sing here in the Afterlife. Where previously she had sung on the streets as a means of escape from home, here Iwasawa was out in the open, playing to an audience that didn't see her as a desperate teen busker, but as a warrior instead, a fighter who sang of life and its joys and struggles, filling the land of the dead with the sounds of being alive. As Iwasawa's spirits rose and her smile grew wider, she glanced over at her partner in this impromptu performance, keen to share the excitement and jubilation that she was feeling. Hisako just winked at her. There was no faltering in their guitar playing, no change in Iwasawa's singing, in fact no words were exchanged, but that single act expressed the thought that was running rampant through both their minds.

_This is fun!_

Hisako could hear nothing but the sound of their guitars and Iwasawa's voice resonating from the speakers, blasting Crow Song towards the school building. She could see the stunned faces of their audience, students and teachers staring down at them from the classrooms with dumbfounded expressions on their programmed features but any vocal indication of their curiosity or anger was drowned by the music. Similarly, she watched a small flock of crows take flight, saw them circle twice overhead before lazily heading away towards the mountains behind the school, never once hearing a wing beat or rustling feather. The song wound itself through her, filling her heart and body with warmth and energy before bursting out through her fingers, leaving Hisako with the glorious buzz she always felt while performing.

_I've missed this._

All good things must come to an end though. Otherwise the next good thing can't happen. And so it was that Hisako and Iwasawa found themselves going from rocking out euphorically, to being applauded and cheered, to being chased from the grounds by angry NPC teachers, to hiding in a conveniently located, slightly prickly bush.


End file.
